Chapters
- It’s Not Just “我不知道。” Anymore.
- That Little Brat (I’m Also That Brat)
- You’re Finally Buying My Wants and Not Just My Needs
- Operation: Vroom, Vroom, BOOM!
- Photo(s) Of The Week
It’s Not Just “我不知道。” Anymore.
My Chinese has definitely improved during this summer and my whole family has been noticing it.
I think it started when my dad was sent to the hospital and my grandma kept bothering me to go visit him. Since my grandma only knows how to speak Chinese, every time she called me, I would have to lock in with my novice Chinese speaking skills.
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I rarely speak Chinese at home. Sure, my stepdad only speaks Chinese but I rarely interact with him at all due to the language barrier between us. The thing that I was always scared of when trying to speak Mandarin was not knowing each niche word for every object or interaction. But something I’ve been noticing recently while listening to my older brother talk in Chinese was that you don’t need to know that at all. He always manages to get away with saying a long ass description of what he wants to say. For example, he might want to say remote control but instead of saying the two character phrase for “remote control” in Mandarin, he instead might say something like, “the thing that switches between the shows on the TV.”
After making this nice observation, my confidence in speaking Mandarin went up a little. If I could get away with doing those long descriptions, then I should be perfectly fine. I started talking with my stepdad a lot more often and it actually went really well. There were many times where I didn’t know how to exactly say something, but with enough terms to describe the term I actually wanted to say, my stepdad eventually would be able to understand what I meant. After he understood the general idea of what I meant, he would repeat back the specific phrase I was looking for in Mandarin. That was perfect for me because essentially what I had was a translator that could take a long random ass description of Chinese terms and also use the surrounding context of the conversation and convert it into the phrase in Mandarin that I didn’t know prior. I would always take mental notes of how my stepdad phrases things so I could save it for a future conversation.
My mom has been glazing my Mandarin speaking skills for the past 3 weeks because of how fluent I’ve been with my Chinese recently. I’ve been making funny comments in Chinese about my stepdad. There was one time during this past week where my stepdad was trying on a zip-up hoodie for the first time and I told him in Mandarin that it didn’t really fit him because zip-ups were for younger people and not exactly for the uncs like him.
I’m really proud of myself for finally being able to talk with my Chinese relatives in Chinese and I can especially thank my Chinese classes in school for helping me get a broader sense of vocabulary. There were so many times in the past month where I was able to clutch up a sentence because I was able to remember something so specific that my Chinese teacher said once before in class.
By the way, for those who don’t know, “我不知道。” means “I don’t know” in Mandarin. There’s a pretty popular joke online where Chinese Americans jokingly spam this phrase because it’s one of the few Mandarin sentences they know how to say.
That Little Brat (I’m Also That Brat)
BANG!
BOOM!
Every single f—ing time.
This little guy keeps slamming the door every fucking time. I’m tired of it. Who taught him to slam doors like that? No one in our family has ever slammed a single door like that once. He definitely has some sort of anger issues which is not very healthy.
Why does he do it? I could come home from such a long day and then he asks me to play Roblox with him. But I’m so tired so I tell him, “I’m so tired, I don’t think I can play with you today.”
BANG!
Every time he slams the god damn door, it hurts my soul. The whole house shakes while the vibrations from the slam make its way to my body. But I hate it so much. Why is he making me feel like I’m the worst human in the world for not wanting to play Roblox with him? I caught him in Flee the Facility three times in a row because he’s the last one to make it out.
WHAM!
What the fuck. Give me some sort of peace of mind for once in my life.
This is definitely not healthy. I hope someone in the future teaches him a lesson because this attitude will not bring him anywhere in life at all. But that person will not be me.
But on Thursday this week, I acted just as bratty as him. My mom wanted me to help drop off a letter in Jamaica but I didn’t want to go. I’m not exactly sure why, but I rarely ever feel the obligation to help my mom with errands or chores. ESPECIALLY when she asks me directly and continues to beg me to do it for her. The more times she asks me, the more I feel inclined to do something. This might just be a guess, but if I do something without being asked to, I feel a stronger sense of independence. But once she asks me to do something and I do that something, it feels more like I’m being a good obedient boy and I hate that feeling. Maybe I was raised wrong or something but I love doing side quests under my own free will. It feels like I chose that side quest instead of a quest giver giving it to me and then I HAVE to do the side quest out of forced obligation.
My mom always compares me to my older brother who is always willing to do errands for her. But unfortunately for her, I’m not my older brother so I find it so much harder to do errands for her. The very few times that I do something for her is when I’m in the bestest of moods where everything is sunshine and rainbows for me (which is relatively common I can’t lie).
Because she asked and begged me so many times to go, I felt extremely unobligated to run an errand for her and waited until the last minute to actually go because of how pissed off I was. I feel somewhat shit about it but for some reason, my first instinct was to blame my mom for how she raised me while growing up. I always find it in me to find the biggest issue in her parenting style was her constant bigger priority on earning and saving money instead of spending time with her kids.
Maybe I really am just as bratty as my little brother.
You’re Finally Buying My Wants And Not Just My Needs
“I’m gonna buy more clothes.”
“Ok, I’ll give you the money to buy it.”
“Oh shit, really? This is a DREAM come true! You’re finally buying something I want instead of something I need.”
My mom chuckled after hearing that.
Recently, I’ve spent a lot of time talking with my mom. Instead of being mean to my mom, I’ve been making a lot of small comments and finding it really enjoyable. It could be about how she views the world, what she wants for me and my siblings, or her talking about wanting to stay healthier so she can live long enough to give gifts to her grandchildren. She’s been more open with me about her issues and problems which made it really enjoyable for me to talk to because the first step to solving personal problems is awareness. And I LOVE when people are aware of their imperfections because it’s so relatable for me.
This conversation was out of the blue because I really really wanted to buy more clothes after my most recent clothes haul which gave me a massive dopamine and confidence spike. I usually hate spending money, but my most recent clothes haul was around 300 dollars and every dollar spent was worth it. This time, I was planning on spending the same amount and taking another big cut out of my Chinese New Year red envelope money that I love saving up for some reason.
When she told me that she would pay for the clothes, it really caught me off guard. As a child, I would never ask her for anything that wasn’t “necessary” because I already knew what she would say if I did ask her.
“No. You don’t need it.”
Hearing that every time I wanted something made me so scared to ask for anything as a child, that even now as a teenager, I hate asking her for anything or any help. I’d rather stay independent and make my own financial decisions. It’s probably influenced my lifestyle in that I will almost never ask anyone for help because I hate having my life be dependent on other people when I always knew that they most likely wouldn’t be able to match my expectations that I had for both myself and them.
I remember specifically that moment when she was so insistent on not giving me 5 dollars to spend on Robux. It was when I was getting out of the car and begging her to let me buy some Robux. But of course, she said no and then I got pissed, gave her a big attitude, and stayed inside the car instead of going outside with her.
I’m not really sure what this clothes haul is going to do for me because there’s like 7 tops and 4 pairs of pants. But right now, I think I need some basic staples in my wardrobe because I’m DONE with these boxy t-shirts that make me look like a BOX. The silhouette that these boxy shirts give clearly don’t match my build and I’m ready for a change.
Ever since me and my mom had that conversation, we’ve been debating on what is a “want” and what is a “need”. I visited the podiatrist yesterday to get an ingrown toenail removed for the second time now, and I was saying how it was a “need” and not a “want” because it just is and she agreed with me on that one. She was saying how paying for my private school bus was a “want” but I said otherwise. I’ll continue to insist on that being a “need” but let’s see how far this joke goes between the two of us.
Operation: Vroom, Vroom, BOOM!
Last Saturday, our neighbor came by our house to chat with me and my mom for about half an hour. This neighbor is a music teacher and also privately teaches piano as a side hustle.
I’ve really wanted to drive for a while now because that would give me the freedom to go basically anywhere that I want to go. I finished reading the entire DMV driver’s manual back in late January but I never took the permit test for some lazy reasons (which I definitely should have) but I eventually just pushed getting my permit as a summer side quest. I was always annoyed at the fact that I wouldn’t turn 18 until during my first semester of college because then I couldn’t drive around campus.
Anyways, she was telling us about the benefits of playing piano and how it helps a child with their brain development and hand-eye coordination. So I brought up the fact that I’ve observed that piano players have a positive correlation with having a fast computer keyboard typing speed, including me. After I mentioned that, she told me that piano players are also really good drivers (supposedly). I would believe her because she’s a “really good” driver with the underlying meaning of having a lot of speeding tickets.
I hadn’t done my permit test yet at that point but after she told me that fun fact, I felt extremely inspired to be like her some day (besides the many speeding tickets part). So this week, on Tuesday, I decided to lock in for a bit and take the online permit test. I had a lot of difficulty with the proof of identity and residency since they’re so oddly specific and also I’m not 18 yet which makes it even more annoying. Then, I passed the permit test and now I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow to take my eye test and photo for the physical driver’s permit.
I think I’ll be able to drive my own vehicle once I turn 18 which I’m really excited for. Fortunately, my birthday lands on a Friday this year. I might be able to sneak in my driver’s test on the weekend after and start “Operation: Vroom, Vroom, BOOM!” If it wasn’t obvious already, the point of this mission is to learn how to accelerate my car twice and then end up in a you know what (AS A JOKE if it wasn’t clear…). My mom wants me to do driving school ASAP so I can be ready to take the driver’s test as soon as I turn 18 in October. I know I’m boutta go crazy in driving school so be prepared…
Photo(s) Of The Week
Performative Frank 
Leave a comment